Tea and Prayers

Fall is heading here quickly, and the cooler weather does all sorts of things to my psyche. While I love all things fall (the sights, the smells, the tastes) cooler weather and shorter daylight hours tends to put me in a sour mood. I experience what a lot of people have come to call seasonal depression. I wouldn't typically call what I experience "depression" per say, but it definitely is a distinct change in my mood. It hasn't been nearly as bad this year as it has been is years past, and I think a lot of it has to do with my family situation. I'm happily married and have a wonderful daughter; I have a lot to live for and people counting on me.
That being said, I'm sitting in my living room enjoying one of my favorite cool weather treats, a cup of milky tea, praying about a recent development in our household. Currently, I work full-time and Beardface plays Mr. Mom. I pump milk at work for my husband to give the baby during the day while I'm not home, and I love that I'm still able to give her this advantage even though I'm gone most of the day. Logically, though, it would be simpler if I were to stay home with our daughter, and Beardface and I have been praying for this kind of opportunity.
Recently, one has come up. Beardface has applied for a position in his field at a local college, and if he gets this position, he will be making more than enough for me to be able to stay home. We know a few people that work in the particular department that Beardface has applied to, so we think he probably has a good shot. (Most people who get hired at this particular school get hired for who they know as opposed to an outstanding resume. Scary, but so true in some places these days.) BF is highly capable of this job, and it sounds like he'll love it. I, on the other hand, would love to not have to get up before 5am to be at work everyday. I'd rather be playing with my little girl.
So all I'm asking for tonight are some prayers.
Lord, if it's your will, please let my husband get a job that will begin his career. He is incredibly smart and talented, and I can only hope that others see this in him, as well. Lord, I also ask that you give me the opportunity to be the hands-on, full-time mother that I wish I could be.

Homeschool Debate

BabyGirl is still a wee one, and school is not for a few years. Still, I can't help but think about how and what I'd like her to learn.
I, myself, am a product of 12 years of public school and four years of a private college. I loved school as a girl, but I was constantly bored. I could read before kindergarten, but our school district didn't teach reading until the first grade! I was put in an advanced program in elementary school and remained in advanced classes throughout my public school years. I made lots of friends; some were in my classes (the nerds), some were in the band (the geeks), and some were just fellow wallflowers in our P.E. ultimate frisbee games. I know having gone to public school has made me the person I am today.
Beardface, on the other hand, was home-schooled for a fundamental portion of his education (1st through 6th grades). He had the ability to take as much or as little time as necessary with material. He had one-on-one attention from his mom (which he shared with his sister). He made friends with kids in his neighborhood and his church. I know having been home-schooled has made him the person he is today.
I don't want to insinuate that either one of us was raised better than the other or that either one is a better person due to our education.
So this is up for debate in our house. I have my doubts that public school is not what it was when I was going to school. I grew up in a state that was in the top ten in public education in the country, but the state we are currently in is lucky if it makes the top 25. I love the ability to tailor education to each child and to be creative with what I teach. I am worried, though, about the social aspects of home-schooling. I don't want to raise socially inept children. We are very active in our church, and I know there will be plenty of other kids for our children to play with. I just worry it may not be enough.
Beardface and I agreed that one of us would always stay home with our kids because we don't want anyone else to raise our children. I've heard that kids change so much once they start school because of all the external influences (teachers, other kids, etc.). I don't want to be one of those crazy parents that shelters their kids from the world, but do I want them to be raised by the rest of the world? I'm not sure yet. Like I said; this is still up for debate.

An Escape from Reality

As I told you all last week, our family had gone to the beach, and I wouldn't be blogging for a little while. Our vacation was cut a bit short by the current natural disaster terrorizing the eastern seaboard, so I'm now writing to you from my usual spot in my kitchen.
It was bittersweet driving back today. I was sad to leave the shoreline again. I grew up close to the ocean, close enough that I could go every weekend in the summer. I even lived on the beach for an entire summer, residing in an old WWII barracks next to the country's oldest lighthouse. There is something about the ocean that makes me complete again. It brings out the essence of me; it makes me feel like myself again. To use the words of a wise man: the beach is my "reset button". It resets me to what is my normal self again.
On the other hand, I was glad to be coming home. I have only a few days left before my maternity leave is over and I have to return to work. I'm looking forward to a couple of days at home just to get some things done to prepare myself for this huge change. Beardface and I have worked out our schedules so that we don't have to send BabyGirl to daycare. This was a non-negotiable for us. We always said we wanted to raise our own children, not have someone else raise them for us. Of course, at her young age it would be easier and more logical for me to stay home with her, but that isn't possible for us at this moment. So my husband will be home during the day while I go off to earn our daily bread. It will be helpful to get him used to caring for her all day while I'm around to help, and I know it will take BabyGirl some time to get used to eating from a bottle.
Reality had to hit me some time, and now is as good a time as any. On Monday, I will go back to work. I'll leave my baby daughter with my husband while I spend my weeks earning paychecks. I always thought I'd be bored being a stay-at-home mom; in college I mocked women who chose to postpone or forgo a career to raise their children. Now I find myself jealous of them.

Lord, give me the strength to do what I need to do for my family at this time, and give me the wisdom to know what is right for my family. And Lord, let me remember that the two people I love most on this earth will always be there to greet me at home.

Whip It Out!

So today I have a story and a question for all of you.

This past Saturday we went to a nearby city with Beardface's parents for my mother-in-laws birthday. We stopped at a bagel place for lunch, and it was packed. We could only find a table in the middle of the restaurant. Usually this wouldn't be an issue, but since I'm nursing the BabyGirl, I often look for seats where I have my back or one side of my body next to a wall to avoid accidentally flashing the unsuspecting public.

So there we are, Beardface and I staking out our table in the middle of the restaurant when the little girl starts gnawing on her hands, letting me know she would like a snack. I, being the ever oblivious person, put my nursing cover on, which looks pretty much like this:
I then proceed to unlatch my contraption of an outfit to feed my baby. Beardface, of course, ever mindful of his surroundings, proceeds to adjust and pull my nursing cover in all sorts of ways to ensure that I am in no way exposing myself to the people around us. He lets me know in his gentle way that my breast is out for the world to see (which is not entirely true; you could just catch some side-boob view if you were sitting in the right spot). I get fairly annoyed at Beardface when he does this. I understand that I am his wife, and he doesn't want me to expose myself to people around; I'm also sure he's worried there may be some pervs staring. But honestly, I'm of the belief that so long as I'm making a general effort to be modest, I'm doing my part. It's not as if I'm just unbuttoning in public without using a nursing cover, allowing the world to see my breasts. I'm make an attempt to prevent my bosom from being seen, but I cannot help that there may be a person or two who catches an accidental glimpse of something they shouldn't have seen. Or, yes, maybe a perv might try to catch a glimpse of something he desperately wants to see. I can only help what I am doing to try to protect my privacy and that of my daughter, but I cannot help the curiosity and view of those around me.
That being said, this reason alone is definitely NOT enough for me to stop nursing in public. I am not forced to eat in secrecy or behind closed doors, so why should my BabyGirl?

So my question to all of you is: How do you feel about nursing in public? For moms that have, did you use a cover? Did you feel comfortable breastfeeding in places where you could be seen? Leave me something.

One-handed

When I was pregnant it seemed like everyone I met had some little nugget of wisdom for me, some treasured piece of information that would get my husband and I through parenthood. By and large the most common piece of information I received was to learn to do everything I need to do one-handed. Mostly this information came from dads of multiple children who told tales of bouncing a toddler on one knee while doing the bills or some other picture-esque scene from a movie that I can only imagine would be entitled "Adventures in Parenting".
Oddly enough, I have found this tactic useful. I'm sure when BabyGirl because a fussy, bouncing toddler both Beardface and I will have the opportunity to use our one-handed skills. But I am finding it beneficial to learn to do things one-handed while I'm nursing. Granted, I don't know of any fathers that have breastfed their babies (you never know with today's technological advancements..), but if they did, they'd know what you really can do one-handed.
For example, I eat most meals while nursing. Something about Beardface and I sitting down to eat makes our daughter hungry. This will be great when she is three years old and can use a fork and spoon to feed herself, but for now I've mastered balancing a baby on a crossed leg while eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I used to feel bad about getting Raisin Bran crumbs or salad dressing on her head, but then I realized: I have to eat, too! If I don't eat, I don't make milk, and if I don't make milk, she is out of luck. So I continue to eat with BabyGirl in my lap.
Tell me: has anyone else eaten while nursing? Whay other things have you done while breastfeeding? I'd love to hear about it.